Epiphany, at the age of 28.

So I learned something about myself today. Ok so actually this morning about 5:30 am. Lets set the tone hear. I was at the gym for about 30 minutes and the plan for the gym today was that we were supposed to do circuits today. Meaning you go from one machine to the next and perform the exercise. Great, I thought to myself I will start out on the treadmill and work my way around. All is going well, but then I soon realize that starting on one of the last treadmills has some huge disadvantages. Ok that means I am going to have to go to treadmill to treadmill until I have completed the workout on all 5 treadmills before I even move over to the actual strength training machines. So to you this might not seem like a huge task. Or some may say piece of cake, but can I just tell you when running at a speed of 5 my legs fill like j-ello. Oh yes side note you are not supposed to adjust the speed or incline on each treadmill. Each one set separately. So with that being said I am on my 4th treadmill and filling dead. Yes 30 minutes into the workout and my body is hating me. So I get to this treadmill at it is on an incline of 15 and a speed of 6. This is where the story gets good. I seriously look at it and decide I need to take the speed down a notch. Well this didn’t go over so well with my trainer. As he starts to walk over and states in a loud and stern voice nobody adjusts the speed or incline except me. He reaches over and starts to increase the speed. At this point with sweat running down my neck I look at him and say “screw you”. Yes can you believe it that is what little old Heather said. I was a little shocked, but oh I was sooo mad. I just glared at him. He adjusted my speed and said “push yourself” at this point all I could think is how much of a jerk he is. Oh I gave him the look you know the I am so mad at you if you were standing right next to me I might punch you look. So he let me be for a minute, and then he decided it was time to walk back over and talk to me again. Ohhhh now this didn’t go over well with me. I looked at him and said “ I am done, I am out of here”…as I got off the treadmill and headed to the break room to grab my stuff. Feww I thought to myself I will just walk out of here a 30 minute workout is good enough, and I have had enough today. Well that did not fly with him. So he talked to me he told me he was sorry if he offended me. I just listened. He told me that he knows I can push myself and how he doesn’t want me to get in the box and not break out of it. Yeah yeah yeah…I thought to myself. I was determined I was going to leave. He kept telling me don’t quit just get back out there and finish the hour. Ok so after swallowing my pride, because I am sure a few people noticed I walked back in and finished things out. Ok so for the next 30 minutes I started to think about what had just happened. What was really going on in my head. And here is the epiphany. I am mentally weak. This is the reason I am the way I am. I never realized how weak I am when it comes to overcoming physical things, but now as I look back every time I quit an exercise program was because it was too hard, and well I gave into myself. I couldn’t believe after 28 years I realized why I have never reached my goals of physical fitness. I am just weak, and now its time to work through this. Poor trainer who had to deal with me today. But don’t worry after the workout I did go over and apologize to him. He said no big deal he understands. Well I am happy I finished the hour out and well with results of 7.5 lbs lost in the last 2 weeks, I am going to have to keep going.